From Pain To Peace



I’m honored to be guest posting today at my dear friend, Kelly Balarie’s place, Purposeful Faith.  She has been a fearless and passionate follower of Christ, leader, and cheerleader in the online community.  Let’s show her our community love and support by visiting her site and share, share, share the post on Facebook and Twitter.

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It was the tipping point. The beginning of the fall. No, it wasn’t a crash, a sudden impact dive that you didn’t see coming. I saw this coming. I could feel it making its way toward me and yet, I was entirely helpless to stop it.


It was a slow, distinct unraveling. That moment where you can feel the wheels teetering ever so slightly out of balance until the whole thing comes unhinged. My heart, that is.


This was the season of my undoing…..   To read the rest of the article, click here!!!



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  1. As I read “From Pain to Peace” there is so much there that resonates in my head – “My life was a well-structured agenda of fortitude, perseverance, accomplishment (although I’m not very “accomplished” – I get by, but nothing spectacular; I’m an average kind of person)…I can recall that feeling deep in my bones, that insane and horrific gnawing that I was not enough. That I would have to prove myself. I needed to be special. I need to feel worthy. Loved.” I knew at a very early age that I didn’t quite measure up to expectations of me, which “caused” a lot of family problems eventually resulting in my parents giving me up at age 11. From then on I knew I had to prove myself to be deemed worthy of being accepted & cared for – deep love seemed way too much to hope for. I accepted Christ as Savior at the age of 10 – it was so very easy for me to accept that I was a sinner in need of a Savior; expecting little else from God unless I could live up to “perfection.” I was not “worth” love, care or protection from my parents, God or anybody else until I could “be better.” So I got about the business of trying to be better. The structured life at the children’s home made it easy to be better, and I was rewarded with positive attention from the adults around me helping to reinforce the idea that I was acceptable based on how I behaved – every action, every choice carries with it the full weight of acceptance and belonging. Minute by minute my acceptability depends on the how others perceive my latest contributions, behaviors or choices – it is an exhausting way to live. I cannot seem to get off this “internal treadmill” despite wanting another way. I surround myself with the “right” messages that God’s love is not conditioned on my performance – or the circumstances of this life or anything other thing about me – but I can’t seem to get those messages into the “heart of the matter” for real change in my responses. I cannot seem to break free from the hopelessness that I will never really be good enough to earn & keep lasting care to a place of living like I don’t have to do anything to be worthy of actual love, acceptance & care. Most people don’t know of this real battle waging inside me – I have many friends, involved in church life (committees, choir, etc), college degree, stable work history in a managerial capacity, and a good marriage of almost 24 years. So, I keep pretending “giving” all the right answers – answers I believe for everyone else – I almost feel that I messed up too much with my birth family to ever get out of the grip of failure into the light of acceptance – like I’ll never do enough right to correct those wrongs, if that makes any sense. I am making my second attempt at therapy in the last 2 years, as there was a definite point in late 2014 why I knew God was clear that I cannot experience the fullness of His love for me until I honestly look into what happened during those first 11 years – admit/accept the hurt and how I’ve allowed those experiences – rather than the truth of His Word (which I read regularly) – to run how I live – how the “memory” I’ve constructed of those experiences has shaped how I see God and relate to myself and the world around me.

    I have your book, and have been reading the Kindle version while waiting for the paper version to arrive. What I’ve read so far serves to reinforce the path I believe God has put me on – at a time when I have been tempted to quit because it seems to hard and slow. I know there are “beliefs” that have to change – and as those change a whole host of other questions seem to surface & so many more memories…painful ones are coming back up – things I worked so very hard to forget and move on from. I guess all this is a long way to say that your book – your revealing of yourself has helped me in a tangible way at this point in my journey – Thank you. I wish I lived in TN where I could benefit from your counseling perspective – faith in God foundation – as I haven’t found that in my rural area…

    • lisamurray

      March 4, 2016 at 6:46 AM

      I’m so glad this article resonated in your heart and mind and that you are pressing into your healing journey! God wants your healing. It is not easy (which other people often don’t get), and it takes so much courage for each step along the way, but the results are worth it. You are on the right path. Don’t give up. One step of healing at a time. He is with you. He is healing you! Blessings, sweet friend!

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